Things to do in Odessa
To be woken up in a rented apartment by an outdoor caterwaul.
To appreciate Odessa charm and to drop off.
To be woken up again, this time by next-door women yelling at outdoor cats.
To understand that Odessa charm is implacable and give up on trying to sleep.
To have breakfast at Kompot in Deribasovskaya Street.
To meet all friends there.
To flee Deribasovskaya Street crowded with tourists.
To end up near the Duke de Richelieu Monument and face even more tourists.
To try to recollect the connection between the monument and the hatch nearby.
To recall the exact number of steps the Potemkin Stair consists of instead and to think hard about the source of this information.
To fight off photographers, souvenir and cotton candy vendors.
To follow a pair of pretty female legs and to end up in an unknown area.
To give up on finding the way back and to call a taxi.
To turn round a corner and land in Deribasovskaya again.
To drop by Gefilte Fish and get acquainted with Ivanych, who is responsible for fish there.
To be tempted by signature liqueurs and to taste all of them.
To eat gefilte fish, of course.
To join a walking tour around Odessa yards unnoticed.
To encounter familiar cats at some point and to understand you've ended up in the yard where you are staying.
To get dressed for swimming and to go to the beach.
To realise you are one week late to book a chaise longue.
To smoke hookah — by just inhaling sea air with a second-hand hookah smoke.
To come back to the downtown and to have a lunch at Tavernetta.
To notice Savva Libkin sitting at the next table and to decide to take a selfie with him.
To change your mind after hearing him yelling into the phone.
To go to the Privoz Market.
To bargain until blue in the face, but to pay three times as much for everything in the end.
To find no single pot or pan in the rented apartment and to feed everything bought at the Privoz to the cats.
To go to legendary Dacha.
To notice Savva sitting at the next table again and to nearly ask him about his forshmak recipe, but to change your mind after recalling what happened at Tavernetta.
To force the way through the familiar cats and to bring sprat cutlets and forshmak home.
To leave the apartment with the determination to go in the opposite direction to Deribasovskaya, and to end up in this street, of course.
To give up and to finally buy sailor's hat and striped vest, as well as a cup — all of them complete with the word 'Odessa'.
To buy a book with Odessa jokes 'from the author', as if the above-mentioned souvenirs were not enough.
To queue for a photo on the 12th chair.
To get tired of queuing, to take a picture of the line and to go away.
To have a dinner at Steakhouse.
To get acquainted with beautiful Odessa women in between a salad and a steak.
To fall in love before a dessert.
To be impressed by the bill and to understand that you're not that into holiday romances after all.
To come back to the rented apartment and to make a reservation at Ibiza nightclub.
To eat sprat cutlets from Dacha.
To eat forshmak for dessert without thinking twice.
To decide to have a rest for a moment before parting hard all night.
To be woken up by the familiar caterwaul.